Consumerism Kills

The classic, satirical film Network ends with Howard Beale being shot while on air.  The narrator proclaims that Beale was “the first person ever killed for poor ratings.”  It’s an audacious, ridiculous idea concocted to make an ideological point about America’s fascination with and thirst for televised violence.

Only, history has proven it’s not a ridiculous idea.  If reality TV has proven anything, it’s that we hunger not just for violence and depravity, but for real violence and depravity.

Well, here’s another ridiculous idea that seems right out of a satirical comedy: an average Joe, temporary Wal-Mart employee is trampled to death by shoppers who value low prices more than human life.  It’s the kind of thing an angry, ideologically driven screenwriter would come up with, and it’s only worthy of a TV movie – on a cable network.

Unfortunately, it’s a true story. Read about it here: Wal-Mart Worker Dies in Rush.

You can’t judge an entire culture by one event, but we’ve been building toward this for years.  Shame, shame on us.  Not shame on just Wal-Mart, or even shame on just the owners of all the stores who open their doors at absurd hours and whip up shoppers into a foamy frenzy.

Fact is, stores wouldn’t treat Black Friday as they do if we jackasses didn’t show up and spend money.  Pure and simple.  Shame on us for letting any holiday turn into the kind of event that makes this possible.  If you’re a Christian, you should be able to appreciate just how disgusting it is that Christmas, of all holidays, has become commericialized to this degree.

Who the hell have we become?  Shame on us.  There are 26 shopping days left until Christmas – plenty of time to change our behavior.

Australia

I thought Wisconsin made the cheese.  Apparently that’s one of Australia’s exports, too.

Director Baz Luhrmann’s epic love poem to his native land is very much like a musical without singing or dancing.  The actors mug for the camera, the story takes some ridiculous turns, and the whole thing becomes so shamelessly sappy it practically drips off the screen like molasses.

“Australia” is being billed as a World War II epic, but it’s more like two epics crammed together.  The first ninety minutes are built around a classic battle over land and livestock (think “Shane” or any number of Westerns).  Englishwoman Lady Sarah Ashley (Nicole Kidman) dashes off to Australia to check on her husband, who has built a cattle ranch there.  She finds her husband dead and the ranch in dire straits.  Rival cattle baron King Carney (Bryan Brown) has all but ruined Ashley’s operation.

Lady Ashley quickly discovers a sense of purpose by defying Carney’s takeover attempts.  But the only experienced cattle man crazy, or desperate, enough to help her is Drover (Hugh Jackman), a handsome drifter. 

Lady Ashley also falls in love with Nullah (Brandon Walters) a young boy of mixed race.  This grounds all of “Australia” in a pivotal chapter in the country’s history, when children of Aboriginal and White parentage were taken from their parents and raised by missionaries to keep them separate from the rest of society.  Those children are known as the Stolen Generation.

When land battle story resolved, I was hoping in vain that the credits would begin to roll.  The relationship between Lady Ashley and Nullah is genuinely moving, and this first half makes for a complete movie on its own.  Despite a nauseatingly saccharine first act, I could digest the film up to that point.

Alas, this over-cooked turkey just kept on basting until it was so saturated in melodrama until it belonged on no one’s table.

Annoyed by my clumsy, strained metaphors?  Trust me, that’s nothing compared to the barrage of fromage that is “Australia.”

Eventually, Japanese war planes begin to attack Australia, and the war epic portion of our evening finally begins.  The two parts of the film are so disconnected that the writers use a character being eaten by an alligator as a segue.  It’s such an absurd plot device that it has already been mocked, by the film “Adaptation” back in 2002.

“Australia” does have some shining moments.  A scene in which Nullah must singlehandedly stop a stampede of cattle is riveting and supremely suspenseful.  The Australia countryside is breathtaking.  Jackman looks great and is as charming as ever.  (If you’re only buying a ticket to watch the (supposedly) sexiest man alive, you’ll get your money’s worth.)  Kidman also gets to show more personality than usual.  And newcomer Walters is adorable.

But like all of Luhrmann’s other films (“Moulin Rouge,” “Romeo + Juliet”), “Australia” is its own worst enemy, repeatedly drawing us in only to turn us off again with some over the top flourish of style or laughably bad writing.

At times, I couldn’t decide whether I was watching a promotional video for the Australian Tourism department, a Playgirl home video, or an ad for Dewars scotch.

“Australia” would work just fine as any one of those things, but as a complete movie, it’s average at best. 

Bottomline: Pretty but forgettable piece of melodrama

Role Models

Oh good.  Another film about men who can’t grow up.

I’ve lost count of how many films during the past ten years have built on the premise of late-twenties or early-thirties men who refuse to mature.  I’m tempted to completely dismiss “Role Models” based only on the fact that it recycles that idea, but the truth is, it eventually does get beyond its tired premise to win us over.  If only it had found the funny sooner.

Danny (Paul Rudd) and Wheeler (Seann William Scott) earn a living hawking a terrible sports drink to high school kids.  Danny hates the job but Wheeler loves it because it lets him keep acting like he’s eighteen.

When Danny’s girlfriend Beth (Elizabeth Banks) breaks up with him because of his downer attitude toward everything, he snaps in spectacular fashion.  He assaults a security guard, hijacks a tow truck, and wrecks the company truck.  A judge sentences Danny and Wheeler to 150 hours of community service, which they will spend working for a Big Brother-type program.

Gayle (Jane Lynch), the leader of the program, verbally harasses them, and the kids they are paired with are nightmares.  Danny’s “Little,” Augie (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), is a teenager so obsessed with a medieval reenactment group that he wears his costume at all times and has no friends in the real world.  Wheeler’s kid, Ronnie (Bobb’e J. Thompson), is a pre-teen who rebels and curses so much he could intimidate sailors.

The kids’ behavior, of course, masks some major problems at home, and predictably, Danny and Wheeler begin to bond with the kids.

The movie doesn’t stumble upon the right tone until midway through.  For the first half, most of the jokes come from Ronnie’s swearing or Gayle’s rambling non-sequiturs, both of which get old fast.  Neither Danny nor Wheeler is likeable, and even worse, they aren’t very funny.

Once we begin to focus on the kids’ homelife, the movie improves greatly.  The kids bring the heart and most of the laughs to the film, especially Augie and his role-playing kingdom of geeks.  Just as he did as McLovin in “Superbad,” Mintz-Plasse shines as a painfully awkward yet determined nerd.

“Role Models” deserves credit for its treatment of misfits.  Recent comedy hasn’t been very kind to the uncool, but here they find  the humor in the world of hardcore Medieval reenactment, yet ultimately treat that community with sympathy and respect.  In fact, the payoff at the end of this movie is huge, mostly because of a number of outstanding supporting performances by the role-playing enthusiasts.

The final thirty minutes of the film are genuinely hilarious.  If the film were as funny from beginning to end, I’d be raving about it.  As is, it’s a good comedy that struggles to balance rude humor and heart.

Judd Apatow had nothing to do with the film, but the comedy, characters, and story are all typical of his films.

Viewers who liked Apatow’s “Step Brothers” and “Drillbit Taylor” should enjoy “Role Models.”  Otherwise, you’re likely to feel it’s a waste of time.

 

Bottomline: Slow-starting but entertaining

Turkish Town “Batman” Sues WB, Nolan

Here’s a strong candidate for most ridiculous lawsuit of the year – and decade?

Apparently, there’s a town in Turkey named “Batman,” and the town’s mayor is suing the production company and director of “The Dark Knight” for using the town’s name without permission.

Now that you’re done laughing…Nevermind that neither WB or Christopher Nolan created the character in the first place.  The defendants in the lawsuit should be Bob Kane and DC Comics.  (But they didn’t recently set box office records, now, did they?)  And nevermind that the town doesn’t hold copyrights to the word Batman when it’s used for entertainment purposes. 

The comforting part of this is that it proves the U.S. isn’t the only country with opportunistic, unethical politicians.  See the Variety article for more.

Slumdog Millionaire

I saw Danny Boyle’s Slumdog Millionaire a couple of nights ago and loved it.  Yes, loved.  It’s the first film all year that felt like an experience rather than just another trip to the cinema.  I can’t publish an actual review for it until the release date (this is true for all films), but I’m writing this “teaser” review because

(1) the release date depends on your location.  It opens in limited release on the 14th, then it appears likely to roll out slowly. 

and (2) because it’s the kind of film that inspires loyalty, even among film snobs like myself.

So look for it…

Madagascar 2

Lions and Zebras and Hippos and Giraffes.  Oh my!

The freedom-seeking gang of New York City Zoo animals is back, and this sequel to “Madagascar” offers a better story and more laughs than the original.

Alex the Lion (Ben Stiller), Marty the Zebra (Chris Rock), Melman the Giraffe (David Schwimmer), and Gloria the Hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith) are still stranded in Madagascar.  Good thing the penguins are there to rebuild an airplane and fly everyone, including Julien (Sacha Baron Cohen) and Maurice (Cedric the Entertainer), back to America.

Until the plane promptly crashes in Africa. 

This setback not only sets up the next adventure, but it also reunites Alex with his parents (Bernie Mac and Sherri Shepherd), who are the king and queen of the lions.  Borrowing a bit from “The Lion King,” a rival to the throne named Makunga (Alex Baldwin) tricks Alex into failing a rite of passage.  This forces Alex’s father to banish him, paving the way for Makunga to usurp the throne.  Father and son issues commence.

Meanwhile, Marty struggles with no longer being unique, Melman becomes a doctor, Gloria falls for a playa hippo, Julien is his delusional self, and the penguins steal the movie.  Again.

Despite all of these intertwining plots, “Madagascar 2” focuses on its main characters more than the first, and Julien doesn’t hijack the show.

If anyone detracts from the stars, its the penguins.  How irresistible are those brilliant, deviant, endlessly confident birds.  They formulate absurdly intricate schemes, hijack tourist jeeps in the middle of the savanna, and create a helicopter from the spare parts.  All the while tossing off one-liners with machismo that would make Lee Marvin proud.

The elderly woman who beats up Alex in Union Station in the first film also has a much bigger role here, and the filmmakers mine her character for every possible ounce of irony and slapstick.

“Madagascar 2” begins a kind of memorial tour for the late Bernie Mac.  He also co-stars in this week’s “Soul Men,” worked on two forthcoming television projects, and will make his final film appearance in next year’s “Old Dogs.”  His voice work here reminds us how much we’ll miss him.

“Madagascar 2” is being released to both IMAX and standard format theatres.  IMAX is always a tad spectacular, but it doesn’t add enough to this movie to justify the higher ticket prices.  The kids in the audience seemed as impressed by the green band for the preview trailer as they were by the actual movie on its super-sized scale.

Speaking of the young ‘uns, “Madagascar 2” definitely skews toward grade schoolers and older.  Like the first “Madagascar,” some content may be a little rough for the pre-schoolers.

It’s the same brand of comedy we expect from Dreamworks, the producers of the “Shrek” movies and “Shark Tale.” 

“Madagascar 2” is closest in tone and content to the first “Shrek.”  It’s witty and sincere with healthy doses of physical comedy and pop culture thrown in, but it isn’t as cynical as the Shrek sequels.

It’s a movie packed with characters we love, fast-paced storytelling, and as many belly laughs as any family movie this year.  Go see it.

 

Bottomline: Simply hilarious