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  • Jeff Marker


    husband, dad, teacher, filmmaker, writer, film geek, musician, DIYer, vegetarian, Bulldog, Buckeye, Nighthawk

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Battling the Serpent, Part 1

Mowing has become an adventure into the wild kingdom lately (apologies to Marlon and Jim).

A couple of weeks ago, I saw a snake do something I didn’t know snakes could do.  A 2-foot long green snake (beautiful color), had gotten itself stuck on the downslope of our curb.  Surprisingly, the curb was too tall and steep for the little guy to surmount.  So there it was, slithering frantically to no avail.  I tried to pick up Mr. No Neck by the hind end to carry him to…somewhere (more on that in a second).  My hand got close, and as wild things do, Greenie turned and tried to give me a bite.  Now, I know a little green snake can’t do me any serious harm, but I’m just not into being bitten by snakes.

So I paused for a moment to figure out, first, how to pick up the thing with no harm to myself, and second, where I would take it.  As I was standing there contemplating, Greenie begins twisting and writhing around, as if in distress (cue the voice of Marty Stouffer).  It was so badly off, in fact, that it appeared to turn onto its back, open its mouth, and rattle its last breath.

Surely, I thought, this snake didn’t just die as I was standing here.  I nudged it gently.  No response.  By all indications, it had passed on.  So I picked it up by the very end of its body.  It hung limply, like a rope.  The head was only slightly lifted.  Poor thing.  I carried it to the back of our lot, thinking I would just toss it into the drainage ditch that borders our lot.  Still, something didn’t seem right.

I got to the tall grass and weeds at the back of our lot, and I stopped.  I had become suspicious.  I knelt down to let it go, and when its body was about a foot off the ground, the devious s.o.b. curled around and lunged at me.  I reflexively let it go, and it slithered a few feet away, where it coiled and kept its lying little eyes trained on me.

The snake had played possum!  It wasn’t hurt; it had outsmarted me.  However, neither the snake nor I knew how soon I would get even with him and his kind.

Stay tuned for part 2.

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2 Responses

  1. Snakes are amazing! If it weren’t for the whole “live food” aspect, I would like another pet snake, but we’d just end up with a bunch of pet rats that were “too cute to kill” (it’s happened before).

    Hesitantly awaiting part two . . .

  2. Hence the old saying “wise as a serpent”. Our neighbor recently found a nest of 26 snakes under their house. Yikes!

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